It started innocently enough. It was a Saturday in the spring, and the weather was absolutely lovely. Normally on such a day my husband, Fred, and I would go wandering somewhere in the car. But he was really tired. "I'm sorry," he said, "all I really feel like is taking a nap." We both assumed he was coming down with a cold, and he napped while I worked in the yard, read, and caught up on my correspondence.

But on Sunday he was tired, too. And he wasn't up to par during the week as well. After a couple of weeks, we were both beginning to wonder if something major was wrong. I mean, he'd put on some weight over the past year or two, and neither of us was getting any younger. But a 56-year-old man shouldn't be this tired all the time.

I'm a heavy sleeper, so Fred's snoring never really bothered me. But I'd noticed that he was snoring more than he had before. I attributed it to weight gain, age, and allergies. But one night as I lay awake, listening to him snore, I suddenly made the connection to a magazine article I'd read years ago: "He's tired all the time, and he's snoring worse than ever--I bet he has sleep apnea!"

By then, he'd made an appointment with our primary care physician. When he went, he mentioned my speculation, and was referred to an ear, nose, and throat specialist. It took us the rest of the summer and fall to fight our way through the managed-care system.

Meanwhile, he was exhausted. I remember one weekend in particular. I was sitting in the living room while he slept (again!), and I realized that I had to get out and do things on my own, or I'd go crazy sitting around while he slept. He barely had the energy to drag through the workday by then. But his illness was really messing up my life, too. It wasn't fair to be angry at him; after all, it wasn't his fault that he had this problem. But I was angry! And if I allowed his health problem to destroy my life as well as his, I couldn't help but resent him for that.

He finally got his CPAP machine between Christmas and New Year's. By then he'd dozed off at the wheel twice (luckily there was someone there to wake him up), and had stopped driving except to and from his office. He'd had sinus surgery, which may have helped his breathing but didn't help the obstructive sleep apnea. And (thankfully) he'd finally gotten a referral to a pulmonologist who knew how to deal with the problem. But it sure took a long time to get to that point, and the whole experience took quite a toll on both of our lives.

We've been pretty lucky since then. The first mask prescribed wasn't great, but he has since found one that fits him without damaging his skin. We both adjusted to the CPAP very quickly. It's quieter than our air conditioner, and much quieter than his snoring, so I don't have a problem with it. Admittedly, it's a little weird-looking (OK, it's more than a little weird-looking), but hey, I didn't marry him for his looks. Within a week of starting to use the machine, Fred was himself again. It's nice to have him back.

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Central New Jersey A.W.A.K.E.

"Alert, Well, and Keeping Energetic"

A health awareness group for patients with sleep apnea and their families and friends
(part of the American Sleep Apnea Association A.W.A.K.E. Network)